just tell him i said nine months
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
