And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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