So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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