got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
