wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
