saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
another moral hangover. fuck.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
