This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
