so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
