I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
