3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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