letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
