I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
