i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
