I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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