I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
