Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
