Whoa Z and x make the same sound
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
