I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
