I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
