Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
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