Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
