i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
