thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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