Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
