I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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