I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Randomize
