my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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