Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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