so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
