I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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