i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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