i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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