We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
