Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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