lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
