She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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