; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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