I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
