I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
