Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
