Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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