Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
