I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
