If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
