i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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