He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
