You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
