i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
