yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
