How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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