I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
