There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
