I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
