So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I want to walk on stilts...naked
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
