Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
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