I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
There r osticjed everywhere
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
